Dear Fitness Instructor,

WHAT was THAT all about this morning?  I’ve been coming to this class for 6 months now and it’s never been THIS hard!

I will cut you some slack because I know you were just subbing.  Perhaps Cheryl failed to explain the intricacies of our 5:30 AM Strength Training class in Studio B upstairs.  Perhaps she didn’t tell you that there’s a certain tried and true procedure we follow every Tuesday and Thursday morning.  That Elaine always hands out the towels, Mike wears his red nylon shorts on Tuesdays and his orange terry cloth headband on Thursdays, and I’m always 5 minutes late to class. That we warm up to an instrumental of Eye of the Tiger. Perhaps she didn’t tell you the order of muscle groups we work. That squats always come first, followed by chest, followed by lunges.  That we do the exact same number of reps to the exact same songs.  Every. Single. Time. That we NEVER stray from the routine.  EVER.

OK, I will admit that I haven’t been to class in, say, 6 weeks.  But with Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and New Years, and back to school, and staying up late, a new season of 24, and snow, and rain, and darkness, and a warm bed, and blogging, I’ve been kind of busy.  But I made the excrutiating effort to wake up at 4:45 this morning and brave the cold winds to make the 20 minute drive to attend your class. Only to be bombarded with quasi-yoga posing and fitness ball balancing, rear burning leg lifts and impossible core exercises.

Normally if I find I’m not quite up to task, I can fake it.  A wholly believable exercise fake is truly an art.  But I can do it.  Usually.  Until this morning.  What’s with the plank on a single toe and a single elbow with a twist to the side and a count of 20?  How can I fake something like that?  And all that yoga mumbo jumbo at the end?  A downward dog and a lotus?  Couldn’t we just touch our toes, and stretch from side to side, like we always do?  I’m pretty partial to a deep knee bend, a cleansing breath and a “pat yourselves on the back, you had a great workout” with a few customary claps at the end.

Isn’t it part of your job to adjust your routine to match the skill level of the class? Wasn’t the fact that we were all lying flat on the floor gaping at your yoga prowess with wide eyes and open mouths a pretty good indicator that there may have been a great discrepancy between your skill level and ours?  I hate to make assumptions, but, you know, it just seemed to me to be the case.

As I write this I am beginning to feel the effects of this morning’s torture.  I’ll make a point not to take in too many fluids today as I’m not sure I’ll have the muscle coordination to get up from off the toilet. And the upstairs will just have to wait for another visit from me for a couple of days weeks.

As much as I can appreciate “changing it up a little” from time to time, I’m looking forward to next week  when Cheryl will be back with her regular 80s mixed tape, her hand weights and her comfortably regular routine.  Because, truth be told, one can never get enough of “Eye of the Tiger”.

*****************

Thanks to Jennifer at Tatertots and Jello and to my mom at Quincy Cottage for this sweet award.  Jennifer is off to Maui for a getaway trip with her husband but you can enter to win her ISLAND GIVEAWAY on Friday.  And drop by Quincy Cottage and welcome my mom to the world of blogging.  She’s been stuck at home with pneumonia for 2 weeks and would love some visitors.  (She has a super cute house too.)